Celebrating the Bitter and the Sweet

Beauty is Everywhere

Well, hello there!

Yes, it's been a while. Yes, I know I've let the cobwebs collect on this blog...again! But despite all of that, I thought I'd pop in and say that yes, I'm still here! Yes, it's been over a year since my diagnosis of Metastatic Breast Cancer. Yes, it's been months since my Spinal Fusion Surgery. But I'm back. I'm here. And I have plenty to celebrate.

Granted I have had quite a long, painful recovery from my surgery. It wasn't the quick fix I was hoping for. Instead it actually made the nerve pain far, far worse. And I have slowly crawled out of that deep hole of chronic pain. My sincerest sympathies are for those who live with unrelenting chronic pain. It is a nightmare. I have never dealt with anything worse. (And if you know me that is saying something!) Honestly, many times I begged to just be able to focus on having Stage IV cancer rather than the pain!

Now I am happy to report that although the nerve pain is not completely gone, I have been able to manage it with ibuprofen and neurontin. I have even been able to start exercising. Of course, this fires up the nerve pain a bit, but it is worth it to try to regain some strength and balance after a year of suffering. I'm still on lifting restrictions (which will probably be for the rest of my life) but I'm doing as much as I can and being careful. (Yes, you read that right...ME! Careful! It's 100% true!) I've turned a corner and I couldn't be happier!

As far as life in CancerLand goes, I am doing quite well. I have been on the same treatment for 13 cycles and everything is going great. The chemo makes me tired, especially at the end of the cycle since it's wiping out my white cells faster than you can say "whoops, there gone!" but so far I've done really well. I had a cold that took a long time to fight off, but despite my compromised immune system I have stayed healthy. I've gotten fat thanks to the treatment and my inactivity (whee....) but I'm not complaining...the treatment has very little side effects and it's working. So far the CT scans I get every 3 months have been showing either regression in the tumors in my lung or stability, meaning nothing is growing. And I get PET scans to make sure nothing is growing elsewhere too. So, YAY ME! Actually, YAY SCIENCE!!!! YAY BIG PHARMA!!! YAY RESEARCH!!!! YAY MODERN MEDICINE!!!! ( Just as an aside, here's a fun fact: my one chemo med costs $2,000 a month. Can you imagine? That means to date my bill for just one pill has been $26,000!!!) So YAY INSURANCE too!!!!!

Not only have I been recovering and fighting cancer but I've been doing some LIVING!!! Mostly, I have been doing A LOT of creating. Those of you who follow me on social media may have blocked me by now due to all of the pictures of quilts, and I am sorry. But I am so in touch with my creative side, more than I have ever been. And it is now my LIFE. I don't know what I would do without the ability to express myself, the need to express myself. And the ideas just keep coming.

QuiltCon Charity Quilt Color Palette

I am working on SO many things, but what I really love is creating my own designs. I am deep in the thicket of creating a pattern for sale. It is of a quilt I designed as our Guild's entry into the national Modern Quilt Guild's Show as part of the exhibit of Charity Quilts. We were given a color palette to stick to, a size, and the theme "Modern Traditionalism". I am so grateful that when I expressed interest, the wonderful leaders of my local guild let go of the reins. I designed the quilt Lake Superior Sunrise. I was inspired by the challenge colors which immediately evoked a sunrise in me. I chose the concept of Crazy Quilts to meet the Modern Traditional requirement, and it all blossomed. I am so proud of the work everyone in the Lake Superior Modern Quilt Guild did. From cutting all the fabrics, piecing the blocks, quilting the finished top, and creating a stunning binding. But most of all I am so proud and grateful that they trusted me and my vision. That is an incredible gift. I will write a whole post on the process of making this quilt, I promise!

I have never belonged to a guild before. I have not had any friends who like to quilt (except one or two that I taught for a short while). I started quilting when I was 15 years old. And even though there have been hiatuses, I have never really stopped. Joining this guild has been so wonderful. Meeting and getting to know others who share my interest and passion has been exhilarating.

The same goes for the Instagram quilting community. For me, it is a daily source of inspiration, support, and creative drive that I never imagined possible from a social media platform. I have made friends with people all over the world, and I can truly say they are friends...some of them now some of my closest friends. They have supported me, encouraged me, and laughed with me. What a gift!

In truth, this has been a ridiculously difficult year. It has been a shitty year. But it's also been fantastic! Life works that way, I guess, and in particular, my life. But I do make the most of it. I celebrate it all: the bitter and the sweet. Of course, I would rather have way more sweetness....we'll see what 2018 has in store.

Until next time, enjoy life. ENJOY LIFE!!!!! Love yourself, and embrace the full catastrophe :)

-Alane

Lake Superior Sunrise