Is That You?

I am writing this in celebration. Celebration of times past, things remembered, and moments shared. But I am also writing this with an eye to the future. Moments yet to come, achievements to be made, milestones to be reached. A celebration of possibility.

What has me in this frame of mind you might ask?

I am literally sitting at a very pivotal moment of my life; a moment that, to me, feels distinct like no other. I feel like I am at a virtual mountaintop where I can look backward and forward simultaneously. It's simple. My baby turns sixteen tomorrow.

The inevitable "My, how time flies," does not do this moment justice. I am struggling to find words to express how I feel. And by no means should you think that I am more awestruck by this moment than when my daughter turned sixteen. It is just that his turning sixteen seals it. Childhood is over at my house. I have known this for some time, of course, but this really is a change of which I need to take note.

To some of you this might seem like a relief, a signal that things have gone according to plan. Some of you may share my note of melancholy. In fact, I have a lot to celebrate. Cory was only six years old when I was diagnosed with cancer. I am not exaggerating when I say that for a very long time I did not believe I would live to see this day. There is no way that I can express how grateful I am to be here.

And that, I suppose, gets to my point better than anything I can say. I never thought I'd be here. So every moment has been a delight. In hindsight, even those moments that weren't, are. In every way this boy has been a gift from heaven. So, too, Erin, and Brad. My entire life is a gift. I am so grateful for the time I get to spend with these wonderful creatures. I am heartbroken at how quickly our time together passes. I am even indulging in dreams about the wonderful things that will happen next.

Ironically, over the past two days I have been working on the following layout of Cory. Only when I was finishing and ready to journal did I realize the significance. Here it is:

The journaling reads: "Cory, it's sheer coincidence that I'm completing this on the Eve of your 16th birthday. I look at these photos and they take my breath away. Not just because of how quickly the time has gone, but because of what a truly wonderful time it has been. I love being your Mom. I am so lucky."

Truly.